An empty toilet bowl in a prestigious hotel is certainly a necessity – but a harmless bathroom fixture. I have provided a photo below so you could visualize the context of my story (Figure 1). A toilet bowl full of shit, however, could result in a disaster event if improperly handled. This toilet mishap of mine – occasionally referred to as toilet humor – occurred in 1992 at a five-star hotel in Caracas, the capital city of Venezuela.

I was part of a Philippine delegation who attended the international conference titled IVth World Congress on National Parks and Other Protected Areas in Venezuela back in early February 1992. Due to a booking complication, the organizers had billeted me at a five-star hotel in the capital city of Caracas. (I was actually quite lucky as my original booking was only in a regular accommodation. My recollection was I either stayed in Hotel Hilton Caracas (Figure 2) or at Hyatt. I inquired with Hotel Hilton Caracas but got no reply.) As a five-star hotel, one would not expect any problem with its room facilities, particularly its toilet.

When I defecated one afternoon, however, the toilet bowl suddenly clogged. The flushed water would not flush the shit down the drain. Hence, I simply closed it and told friends who were gathered in the room not to use it for a while. I phoned the reception and requested to have someone check the problematic toilet bowl. The receptionist called back a few minutes later and advised that a chamber maid was on the way up to sort out the problem.

The chamber maid had not yet arrived when an unexpected Filipino delegate knocked. His name is Porfirio ‘Pir’ Castaňeda, who first taught me a crash course in SCUBA diving in the 1980s. When I opened the door, he went straight into the toilet area saying he badly needed to pee. I casually told Pir to wait for a while, as the toilet bowl is clogged. He probably thought that I was joking; thus, he simply opened the lid and found out that the bowl was full of shit. “Holy Shit! This is disgusting,” he shouted in annoyance. He despisingly closed the toilet cover and flushed the water rather forcefully.

Suddenly, Pir made a howling cry as the toilet bowl overflowed and the watery shit spilled into the tiled-floor nearly wetting his shoes. He ran away towards the toilet door to escape the flowing shit. As Pir walked away from the toilet door, the chamber maid simultaneously entered my room. She watched in horror as the multi-colored shit flowed all the way to the carpeted floor. Instinctively, she made a sign-of-the-cross and mumbled these paraphrased words in Spanish: Madre de Dios, sálvame de esta mierda! Simply translated: “Mother of God, save me from this shit!”

All of us could not help but stand in spontaneous laughter and amazement. Luckily, the hotel management did not charge me for the services in cleaning the shit in its carpeted floor.

Copyright © 2019 Michael D Pido