ON 'QUEEN SACRIFICE' MOVE:
AND THE TALE OF MESSY DINING TABLE AND DIRTY DISHES
Summary
Typical to most breadwinners – although I help in housework – I consider doing household chores as optional responsibilities. When I came home hungry on the afternoon of 22 April 2021, I was annoyed that my son left the dining table messy and the kitchen sink full of unwashed plates. Instead of simply getting mad at him, I made a ‘queen sacrifice’ move by cleaning the table and washing the dishes myself. The positive results: a happy wife, a happy son, and a bonus blog for me!
1. On Household Chores and Family Feuds
Unfortunately, the fairies neither clean the messy dining table nor wash the dirty dishes in the kitchen sink!
I start with that paraphrased premise for two reasons. The first reason is obvious, which is to catch your attention initially. If I can’t engage you with my first 10 sentences, you are unlikely to read my entire blog. The second reason is to present an argument that many family quarrels start with something rather petty. That line of thought was relayed to me by a family counselor. Several family feuds may even emanate with seemingly inconsequential household chores, which are neither emergency cases nor matters of life-and-death concerns. These include quarrels over the assignment on who’s going to cook, who among the daughters will mop the floor, why the youngest son did not thoroughly wash the dishes, etc.
Surprisingly, many of these potential quarrels could be conveniently avoided. That is if only family members are more considerate – if not more understanding – of each other’s circumstances. I relate to our family’s real-life story, which is directly related to cleaning the messy dining table and washing the dirty dishes. And how a simple ‘queen sacrifice’ move had averted a potentially quarrelsome family situation.
2. Overview of Queen Sacrifice
‘Queen sacrifice’ – which is alternately phrased as ‘sacrifice the queen’ – is a chess terminology. Many regard chess as a competitive and recreational board game (with 64 squares) played between two players. Since 2000, though, the International Olympic Committee has recognized chess as a sport. I consider chess as my favorite game that I enjoy playing up to this day. (The other fascinating game for me is playing cards – of course with money bet – with selected friends!) I was so enamored with chess that I coined the first names (Mikhail Robert) of our eldest son from two world champions. ‘Mikhail’ is after the Soviet Latvian Mikhail Tal, the champion from 1960-61, while ‘Robert’ is after the legendary American prodigy, Robert ‘Bobby’ Fischer.
Each player has 16 pieces: 1 king, 1 queen, 2 rooks (or castles), 2 bishops, 2 knights and 12 pawns. To win the game, you have to put your opponent’s king – through a checkmate – into a position that it cannot go anywhere. Simply told, it is a check from which a king cannot escape. Checkmate (shah mat) has Persian etymological roots that mean any of these phrases: “the king is frozen”, “the king is dead”, or “the king is helpless”.
Next to the king, the queen is the most important piece. A queen sacrifice move means that you have to give up your queen in return for tactical and/or positional advantage. You may also undertake such a move to gain material compensation (such as capturing a rook, a bishop, and a couple of pawns) after a forced continuation. There are also circumstances when you must sacrifice the queen to force a checkmate and ultimately win the game. A forced checkmate happens after the opponent takes the queen.
To better appreciate the queen sacrifice move, I shall teleport you to the World Chess Championship 2016; the tournament was held in New York City, USA, between 10-30 November 2016. The match between Magnus Carlsen and Sergey Karjakin was launched to determine the World Chess Champion for 2016. Carlsen (from Norway) was the reigning world champion, while Karjakin (from Russia formerly representing Ukraine) was the challenger. Both protagonists have impeccable credentials: Carlsen had been world champion since 2013; Karjakin was the world’s youngest grandmaster at the age of 12.
Using the best-of-12 match format, the first seven games were consecutive draws. Karjakin won the eighth game, but Carlsen won the tenth game, which evened the score. The remaining two games were drawn, leaving the match with a 6–6 tie score. Under the FIDE’s rules, tie breaks had to decide the match. The first two games of the rapid chess tie break resulted in a draw. After these draws, Carlsen won the third game. Karjakin had to win this fourth game to stay alive.
Magnus Carlsen, however, defeated Sergey Karjakin in the final tie-break game with the queen sacrifice move (Figure 1). Using the algebraic notation, Carlsen’s 50th move was Qh6+!!. He moved his queen to h6 square that put Karjakin’s king in check. Either way the queen is captured, there is a checkmate on the next move.
In summary, Carlsen won the remaining two tie-break games to win the match and retain his title as the 2016 World Chess Champion. And the last game depicted above showed his brilliant and convincing win through his 50th queen sacrifice move. Therefore, it had all the stuff of a world championship thriller, finishing down the wire, so to speak, with the chess enthusiasts throughout the world feeling the tension until the very end. The thrill is like watching a basketball game with Stephen Curry of the Golden State Warriors making a 30-foot three-point shot at the buzzer!
3. On Messy Dining Table and Kitchen Sink
Currently, our family is spatially dispersed at four locations in three countries. Hence, I label myself as both a ‘geographically-separated husband’ and a ‘part-time’ father. My home base is at the Palawan State University (PSU), a state-funded academic institution located in Puerto Princesa City (PPC), Palawan Province, Philippines. (This province directly flanks the hotly-contested South China Sea or the West Philippine Sea with China and neighboring countries.) I work there as a Professor and am currently the Dean of the Graduate School.
I flew from PPC to our rented apartment in Quezon City, Metro Manila, primarily to undergo a series of medical procedures that are not available in PPC. Only my wife (Lita, a former nurse) and our 30-year-old second son Jr stay here. (He is my namesake, and I shall refer to him as simply ‘Jr’ onwards.). Our eldest son Mikhail Robert is in Texas, USA, visiting his wife, Teri, a working nurse. Meanwhile, our youngest and only daughter Zarina Hannah is a junior medical student in Darwin, Australia.
At around 1:30 p.m. on a hot summer day of 22 April 2021, I came back to our apartment hungry. Earlier, I had check-ups with my cardiologist (heart doctor) and ophthalmologist (eye doctor) at Saint Luke Medical Center (SLMC), which is also located in Quezon City. Fearing possible COVID-19 infection, I opted not to eat nor drink anything at SLMC’s cafeteria, where some patients and medical personnel congregated. Earlier, Lita called my mobile telling me that she cooked food for lunch that I could partake in when I come back home.
Upon arrival, Jr was already at the doorstep. Jr is a licensed but free-lance architect who does architectural designs mostly on a work-from-home (WFH) arrangement. As a precaution against COVID-19, he sprayed me with alcohol before getting inside the apartment. Jr likewise opened the stove to heat my water for bathing and then casually climbed upstairs to his room. I went straight to the laundry area, casually undressed, divested myself of my belongings, and hurriedly took my bath.
When I was preparing my own late lunch, I realized the messy dining table (Figure 2). It was indeed an unwelcome sight! However, as I was starving, I did not mind the mess despite being upset. And who would not be infuriated?
Grudgingly, I just scooped in the stove pots some minced meat with shredded carrots and potatoes, rice, and fried fish. Collectively, I re-heated these foodstuffs in the microwave oven and ate without fanfare. The time was already past 2:00 p.m. My breakfast at 8:00 a.m. consisted only of two slices of toasted bread with a bit of cheese spread. It was a mechanical partaking of the meal to satisfy my biological craving.
My annoyance was further fueled when I glanced later at the kitchen sink (Figure 3). More mess! I decided to take a cup of coffee first after my lunch to calm myself down. Then, I leisurely ate a scoop of dried raisins as my dessert. The writer in me, however, decided to take casual photos of the mess as souvenir items. Then, I climbed upstairs to confront my son as to why he left the dining table messy and the kitchen sink with unwashed plates, utensils, and a stained coffee maker.
4. On Being Understanding than Being Right
When I silently entered his room, he was sitting on his desktop sporting a headphone. It appeared that he did not notice me at all, as if he was oblivious to his surroundings. Instead, his eyes intently gazed at the multi-colored architectural designs on his monitor screen (Figure 4). As I prepared for my avalanche of verbal tirade to confront him about the mess that he left downstairs, I paused for a few seconds. Then, out of nowhere, I thought I heard an inner voice that gently reminded me: “Don’t scold him. Just leave him alone.” Virtually motionless, I remained standing there for a few seconds more.
Reluctantly, I slowly backed out through the door and moved into my room. I sat down in my chair with mixed feelings and had a dialogue with myself – with my alter ego. “Why should I leave him alone,” I asked casually. “It is because he is ‘in the zone’ with his work,” he responded. And then he added: “When you are amidst of your writing chore, do you want to be disturbed?”.
“Of course not. I absolutely hate being disrupted during my writing time!” I angrily retorted. “Then, give the same courtesy to your son. Leave him alone with his creative work. If he loses that creative moment, that may never come again – or such momentum would be extremely difficult to regain”. That was my alter ego’s wry reply.
Suddenly, I had to re-think about Jr’s personality. In a flash, it dawned on me that Jr is primarily an artist. He produces creative works that come and go. Hence, his works do not follow the 8-to-5 routine, which is the norm for many young professionals. Two years ago, he resigned from a regular day job in an established architectural firm because he prefers to work as an independent, free-lance architect. Instead of getting angry at him, I opted to understand his situation. As a caring part-time father, the least that I can do is to accept him as he is and respect him for his chosen work lifestyle.
Berating him would enable me to release my angst and frustration; however, it would not be sufficient to make him go downstairs and clean the mess first. Pick your timing, I told myself. Jr has been extending assistance to me in other forms, such as doing maps for my blogs and other computer-based errands.
Frankly told, he cannot be adequately relied upon for domestic chores of washing the dishes. However, he could be counted upon to prepare delicious brewed coffee with whipped cream (Figure 5). It’s best not to disturb him during his work – and also during his playing time. It is best to ask for errands during his break or casually just chat with him during mealtime. It is not worth being headlined in a tabloid with this banner news: “A University Professor and an Architect Quarreled Over Unwashed Dishes!”
Among our three children, I consider him the epitome of an artist. He’s also different in terms of personal preferences: he maintains a beard and a mustache; his hair is longer than Zarina Hannah; he smokes vape; he is an owl, practically awake at night; and he sports tattoos. (When both Lita and Mikhail Robert got infected with COVID-19 while the three of them were living together, he claimed that the Khmer incantation of his Angkor Wat tattoo had spared him from the dreaded virus!).
From his perspective then, which is also justifiable, the best use of his time was to do the graphics of his architectural designs. He was ‘in the zone’ with his creative work. Both the messy dining table and the dirty dishes can wait. After all, these household chores are not a matter of life-and-death concerns.
5. My Queen Sacrifice Move
Similar to Jr, I am also on a WFH arrangement while still in Quezon City. Earlier in the morning, I remotely conferred with my Associate Dean and one Department Chairperson about significant concerns for the day. As I review my calendar’s to-do list, there was nothing urgent for the day. No immediate deadline. I could do then in the evening report to read, emails to institutional partners, and additional instructions to my staff. So I decided that I would not bother Jr while I would take my own sweet, little nap. I smiled at myself: a win-win solution and a good compromise as well.
But wait! Hang on a second. As I was about to lie down, I realized that something ‘terrible’ might still happen. I am replacing such an assumption with this statement: a checkmate would definitely happen. The mess downstairs in the dinner table and the kitchen sink had remained there: Jr’s plus my own. Following my introductory sentence, the fairies would not clean them!
As I mentioned earlier, my wife (Lita) went to a separate hospital (University of the East Ramon Magsaysay) for her medical consultation with a throat specialist. After that, I anticipated that she would go to the nearby SM Supermarket to buy some grocery items. Then, she would go home tired, carrying all those grocery stuff. How would she react if she would see the messy dining table and the dirty kitchen sink?
Knowing her, she would not take it lightly. For Lita, the order in the house is primordial. The order takes precedence over anything else. She would – without an iota of doubt – do a checkmate to both Jr and me! At times, she could also be dominant (Click this link to my blog about her https://huescribbler.com/on-overruling-oriental-wives-and-their-surrendering-husbands/.) As an avid chess player, I anticipated this unfolding scenario: she would be miserable to see the messy table and the dirty kitchen sink.
Consequently, she would nag Jr about the mess, and she would also nag me for adding to the mess. From her perspective, which also makes logical sense, Jr should have cleaned the dining table and washed the dirty dishes first before engaging with his architectural designs. Being also hungry and tired, Lita would not be in a good mood to clean up our joint mess.
At that juncture, around 2:30 p.m., I asked myself two interlinked questions. First, what can I personally do to avoid having three losers? Second, what has playing chess taught me that I might apply in this particular real-life situation? The answer that came back was straightforward: I had to do a ‘queen sacrifice’ move. If Mikhail Robert was around, though, I surmise that his perspective would be diametrically opposed. Always logical in his action, he would say: “There is no such thing as an artist brother or a chess-playing father. The rule in household chores is plain and simple: Clean your own mess!” Full stop. No further argument.
If leaving the dining table messy and dumping dirty dishes in the kitchen sink are crimes punishable in the court of law, I am either an accomplice or an accessory. Why? Because I had added to the mess in both the dinner table and the kitchen sink. Further, I saw the mess, and I simply ignored them. Thus, I am not off the hook. It is with absolute certainty that I would – at the very least – become collateral damage! There were only two options: (1) do something to avert the predicted family quarrel; or (2) be a recipient of my wife’s wrath! There was no third option to avoid an impending checkmate.
Hence, I told myself: do the queen sacrifice move. Forget about taking a nap. Act proactively. Go downstairs to clean the table and wash the dishes yourself, now! After all, these chores are no big deal. Forget rationalization and being right. Be kind and understanding, instead. Follow the Nike motto: just do it!
6. Doing Chore I Dislike Most
To be quite honest, I’m not too fond of dishwashing. This is the household chore that I despise the most. (Perhaps ‘abhor’ is a better adjective to describe my dislike for it!) If I could avoid doing it, I definitely would shy away from it. I also have no passion for cooking. (As opposed, Mikhail Robert – a computer engineer by training – is passionate about cooking as if he is performing a work of art!)
What I like doing the most is manually washing clothes as this provides me with a light exercise; I would be happy to wash dirty clothes from dawn to dusk. I also prefer mopping the floor and cleaning the bathroom tiles. I even enjoy ironing clothes. These household chores – but certainly not dishwashing – also give me time to ponder on my creative write-ups.
Maybe I am utterly different than most because I do household chores in a ritualistic manner. I need to be ‘primed’ first to go through the motion. To prep myself, I first ate a piece of an Oreo cookie, unhurriedly savoring its creamy taste. Then, I first cleaned the table, without stress, without rushing.
After that, I started washing the dirty dishes in the sink. When Jr went downstairs for a break, I casually asked him to take a photo of myself while washing the dishes (Figure 6). At that point, I had no idea how such a photo would be useful.
At around 3:30 p.m., my wife arrived. As I anticipated, she was carrying hordes of grocery items. Lita was both tired and half-sweating from the summer tropical heat. At that time, I was halfway in washing the dishes. She was somewhat surprised that I was the one cleaning in the kitchen sink.
“Why is Jr not the one washing the dishes?” she queried in an interrogative tone. “He’s quite busy upstairs doing his architectural designs,” I casually responded. “He ought to do that dishwashing chore. I already washed the breakfast dishes and cooked the food for lunch,” she added. “Just don’t bother him. He is in the zone with his work. I’ll do this dishwashing and other remaining household chores,” I replied nonchalantly. No more negative reaction.
After washing the dishes, I cleaned the stove with spilled oil and sauces. Then, I cleaned the greasy pots that were scattered outside of the laundry area. Overall, it took me around two hours to complete the cleaning and related chores.
7. More Chores but Happy Family Ending
At around 6:30 p.m., Lita decided to have an early dinner. I volunteered to set the dinner table and re-heated foodstuff in the microwave. Then, the three of us ate together, chatting casually about the COVID-19 cases in the Philippines. There was no mention of the earlier messy dining table and dirty dishes. My wife was in a good mood, and Jr was quite happy with his design outputs. Fair enough.
No qualms, no quarrels. Usually, Lita would make a fuzz if I take an extra cup of coffee within a day. That night, she even gave me a chocolate marble cake to go with my extra brewed coffee! (Jr prepared the brewed Ethiopian coffee and topped it with my favorite whipped, creamy milk.) After dinner, both moved upstairs: Lita did her Rosary prayer while Jr continued his architectural designs.
Of course, I was left alone to wash the dishes. That was part of my assigned household chore, and I had no qualm doing it in the evening. As usual, I did it ritualistically, taking my own sweet time. As part of introspection, I asked myself: “What would have happened if I did not clean the table and wash the dishes and took a nap instead?”. I continued with another question: “What if I insisted on being right – rather than on being kind and understanding?”
Had I followed that course of action, I reckon that the three of us would have been all losers. In short, there would have been three unhappy family members: (1) an unhappy wife who came home tired only to find a messy surrounding; (2) an unhappy son who was disrupted from doing his architectural designs; and (3) an unhappy family man who would justify that domestic chore is not his primary responsibility. At the end of the day, it was a happy ending for the three of us. Then, I mentally coined an associated mantra: ‘Happy Wife, Happy Son, Happy Family Man.’ Still, I was looking for a sort of bonus for such a queen sacrifice move. What is the ‘value adding’ to me of such volunteer chores?
8. Back to Office Work
After cleaning the dinner table and washing the dishes, I leisurely took a hot bath and finished it around 8:30 p.m. It made me feel both refreshed and rejuvenated. Then, I climbed upstairs and resumed my office works. I acted on my pending paper works, including the reading of some technical reports. I likewise sent the necessary emails to my staff – as well as communications with institutional partners. By midnight time, I was done. Time to call it a day.
When I stood up to go to bed, I felt quite thirsty. So I walked downstairs and drank a big glass of water, around 250 ml. Since my throat still felt sticky, I drank practically the same volume one more time despite knowing that it would fill up my bladder. I estimated that I would be awakened at around 3:00 a.m., which was fine with me. Then, I went to bed just prior to the clock’s midnight click. Next, I donned my continuous positive airway pressure (CPAP) machine, which I have been using to treat my sleep apnea. As the CPAP machine’s air gradually flew through my nostrils, I slowly fell into a blissful, deep sleep, as the earlier-coined mantra resonated into my subconscious: ‘Happy Wife, Happy Son, Happy Family Man.’
9. Aftermath and Bonus
The narrative didn’t just end there, though; it had an expected but unusual twist. By 12:30 a.m. of the next day, I woke up needing badly to pee. I barely slept for 30 minutes. After urinating, I could no longer sleep.
I kept my eyes closed, but my mind was wide awake: firing in all its cylinders. Tough luck. Is disrupted sleep an ironic price for my ‘queen sacrifice’ investment of over four hours of doing household chores? Over half an hour had passed, but I had stayed mentally alert. As a Cafeteria Catholic, I began to contemplate that such an interrupted sleep was a form of penance for my past sins.
As I remained lying in bed amidst the darkness, that’s when the inner voice whispered again, rather melodiously this time. It urged me to look at the mobile phone’s photos that Jr and myself took earlier. There was nothing spectacular about those photos. As I slowly scanned the images for the second time, the inkling came spontaneously – without any trigger at all. As if I was a modern-day Archimedes of Syracuse (a leading Greek scientist in classical antiquity), I had just found my ‘Eureka’ (Figure 7) moment at a very unusual place and time. (I’m glad I was not in a bathtub; otherwise, I would have run naked along our apartment block during that wee hour!)
I’ve got it! Yes, I could write an entertaining blog revolving around messy dining tables, washing dirty dishes, household chores, and family feuds. I would also weave it with chess and that simple ‘queen sacrifice’ move that had paid dividends in terms of family members’ satisfaction: having a happy wife and a happy son.
Suddenly re-energized, I stood up, switched on the light, and then opened my laptop. Sensing my own ‘in the zone’ moment, I started writing spontaneously, nearly non-stop, and unmindful of anything else. I finished the blog’s first complete draft a little past 3:00 a.m. And the final product is this blog that you’ve just completed, and hopefully, enjoyed reading.
I just want to make a slight addendum to my earlier quoted mantra. That is: ‘Happy Wife, Happy Son, Happy Blogging Family Man’. I take the last phrase as my bonus. That precisely is the ‘value adding’ that I had been yearning for my queen sacrifice move of doing extra household chores.
Cheers to you, my dear readers!!!
Copyright © 2021 by Michael D Pido
Avid fan here! I always enjoy your blogposts, Sir. I was wondering if you’ve watched the Queen’s Gambit on Netflix? I’d love to hear your opinion on the show as a chess aficionado.
Looking forward to your 30th blog!
Thanks for liking Col! I have read the story about Queen’s Gambit on Netflix, although I have not watched it yet. It is being attributed to Judith Polgar, the Polish chess champion on the female side. I’ll share my opinion once I have seen it. The 30th blog is about North Korea. Watch out for it!
Right Prof. It always pays to have a tranquil home. Being able to adjust to the idiosyncrasies of each family member is quite challenging. And you Prof to be able to find comparisons with a winning chess move surely makes you a winner by maintaining peace in the family and you not having to stress your heart out for some trivial matter, like washing dishes.
I also note that certain behaviours could have a different outcome (and you wouldn’t have a topic to write about, he he). For example, if you had enjoyed doing household chores, as well as your son, that day would have passed uneventfully!
It is also worth noting that there are kids who early on try their hands at acquiring survival skills, such as, food preparation, taking meals and cleaning up afterwards. That could be a big help for families working overseas where house helps are not common.
Personal skills are currently useful especially for seniors whose children are living independently. Very helpful at this time when living by oneself is more advantageous to avoid getting infected by the china virus.
Yes I always enjoy reading you, Prof. Til next time.
Good Sunday, Alex! Thank you so much for sharing your feedback. The readers would be delighted to read your insightful perspective. This website is intended to be interactive with the readers. Do take care.
I honestly enjoyed reading your blog , Doc Pido! I have realized a couple of things as I read your story. Hahaha
Btw, I missed you Doc Pido. I hope to see you again in the GS. I want to tell you stories.
Take care, Doc Pido!
Hi Donna – Thank you so much for liking my blog! Will be back Puerto end of month or early July. Look forward to chatting with you. You may also call my mobile. Good Sunday and stay safe!
“It’s better to be understanding than to be right.” I think this is my best takeaway amongst the other entertaining and candid moments I have read about you and your family, Sir Mike. Keep safe always and keep inspired in writing share-worthy ideas. ?
Glad to hear from you Archie! And thanks for sharing your perspective.
“Blessed are the peace makers for they will inherit the Kingdom of God.”
Right choice Sir Mike, you did the right move . God bless you more ?
Hi Maám Lerna – Thank you for sharing your insights.
Hi! Sir, again another entertaining and fascinating blog =) keep it up =) love reading it =)
Good Sunday Paolo – Thanks for the compliment!
Hi Sir Mike,
How are you?
I hope you and your family are doing great.
I’m one of your silent readers.
Your blog is very entertaining. It’s totally different when I used to read some of your research works (e.g. SocMon, Rapid Rural Assessment, etc) in your old CSPG office when I was one of your student aides 10 years ago. I hope you could share your life lessons learned especially to inspire us your millennial readers.
More blogs to come Sir Mike.
Cheers,
AJ
Hi AJ – Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I’m glad that you enjoy reading my blogs – different from the bland research reports!
Time flies rather quickly. It’s been 10 years since you were our student assistant (SA). I must say that you belong to the top 5 of all the SAs we’ve engaged through the years! You were so reliable, dependable, and fun to work with.
Now, you are already a successful young professional. I am sure that you are a very valuable asset to your organization. Best wishes in your endeavors and my warmest regards to your family members.
Let’s keep in touch. Cheers!
Mike
hi dr.pido, =)
play-by-play:
queen sacrifice move— dr.pido washing the dishes.
wife to dr.pido (chocolate marble cake) – increased blood sugar— excessive thirst – hydrate 500mL – kidney work overtym – increased bladder actvtiy – urination – stayed awake – Eureka! (write blog) ?
jr.to dr.pido -extra brewed coffee – high caffeine – induced psychoactivith – stay awake – Eureka! (write blog) ?
thanks po dr.pido..always an interesting read
Hi Engr. Jerry – Thank you for sharing your thought. It’s quite a unique perspective of cause-and-effect relationship. Other readers would be delighted to ponder on this notion. Cheers for now!
Thank you for sharing this unique story of yours sir Mike😊
Kudos to you and to your happy family.
Hi Marie – Family stories are often interesting, if not timeless
This is the perfect blog for everyone who would like to find out about this topic. You know a whole lot its almost hard to argue with you (not that I actually would want toÖHaHa). You definitely put a fresh spin on a subject which has been discussed for ages. Wonderful stuff, just excellent!