On Dutiful Wife’s Dietary Directive: And Crafty Husband’s Ingenious Adherence

Summary

When I visited our son’s family in Frisco City, Texas, USA, my wife issued one dietary instruction. I should eat more fruits and veggies, refrain from consuming red meat, and avoid in-between meals. As a carnivore with occasional gluttonic lapses, I reckon that her directive was next to impossible. Hence, when she finally tracked me during our breakfast on 9 November 2022, I sent her real photos – albeit with inconspicuously-hidden tricks.

1.     Context of Healthy-Diet

When I visited Robert’s (our eldest son) family in Frisco City, Texas, USA, at the onset of 7 November 2022, my wife (Lita) issued one dietary instruction while I was still in Manila, Philippines. The marching order: (1) eat more fruits and veggies, (2) refrain from consuming red meat, and (3) avoid in-between meals. Moreover, she would track me periodically to ensure that I, indeed, follow her. As a pathological carnivore with gluttonic lapses, though, I felt that her directive was next to impossible.

Let me categorically state at this outset that I am not necessarily aghast for being directed about my meals do’s and dont’s. On the contrary, I am jubilant that my dutiful wife’s only overly concerned about my health. I just reckon that as a senior (turned 60 last 24 January) – I should be given the liberty of cheat meals as often as I could.

Let me share our late hearty breakfast on 9 November 2022. With me was Hannah (only daughter) who earlier flew from her medical placement in Banepa, Nepal. A graduating medical student this 13 December 2022 at Flinders University in Darwin, Australia, she came ahead to visit Robert regarding his medical condition. (Robert underwent two procedures in October for his recently-diagnosed brain tumor.) Earlier, Hannah and I strolled with Marcus Chase (my one-month-old grandson) in the nearby park (see Figure 1). Having walked for over an hour, we were both hungry for breakfast upon return to the apartment of my daughter-in-law (Teri).

Figure 1. Selfie of Hannah Pido with the author and grandson Marcus Chase at Wranglers Range Park in Frisco City, Texas, USA, on 9 November 2022. (Photo credit: Zarina Hannah C Pido)

2.     Rare Father-and-Daughter Breakfast

After handing in Marcus Chase to Teri, Hannah and I leisurely partook our meal. Amid our casual breakfast conversation, I sensed that Lita would call. After 37 years of marriage, I may have developed a sense of anticipation about my wife’s next moves. (You may call it as a husband’s sixth sense!)

Since I arrived in the US, she did not mention anything about the diet. Lita’s messages were largely about Marcus Chase and other domestic errands. Instinctively, I snapped a photo of the fruit basket in the dining table (see Figure 2). Insurance picture, so to speak.

Figure 2. Fruit basket at daughter-in-law’s apartment in Frisco City, Texas, USA, on 9 November 2022. (Photo credit: Michael D Pido)

True enough as predicted, in the midst of our meal, Lita called via messenger. She asked me what we were eating for breakfast. I casually mentioned mainly fruits and veggies. Lita said she needed evidence to that assertion as I could at times be a bolero. (Although bolero refers to a Spanish dance with guitar and castanets, it’s also an expression among Filipinos to refer to a man who is either a flatterer or a glib talker.)

3.     Meal’s Pictorial Narrative

I told Lita that Hannah would take a photo of myself with the dishes on the table (see Figure 3). To prove that I was not a bolero, I sent to her messenger these two photos: (1) fruit basket; and (2) myself munching a slice of apple.

Figure 3. Author during breakfast at daughter-in-law’s apartment in Frisco, Texas, USA on 9 November 2022. (Photo credit: Zarina Hannah C Pido)

Sensing her acceptance, I then took the offensive of describing in a rather elaborate manner the table’s foodstuff. First, the black-colored plastic container of rice is self-explanatory. Second, the large ceramic plate consisted of three obvious fruits: California grapes as well as slices of Michigan apple and Ecuadorian mangoes. The third most proximal to me, which was a paper plate, contained the remnants of rice, Ecuadorian mangoes and chop suey.

Chop suey was obviously contained in the lone bowl. A traditional Chinese cuisine, chop suey consists of a mixture of meat and vegetables in a starch-thickened sauce. I was candid straight away that the chop suey had slices of pork – but claimed that I ate more of the associated mixed vegetables of carrots, cabbage and chayote. In short, I declared that I had dutifully followed her directive of refraining from consuming red meat.

4.     Husband’s Crafty Trick

But was I entirely truthful? Certainly not in an emphatic manner. I was still guilty – at least in a partial sense – of still partaking red meat. But where are these pieces of red meat? Why are these red meat portions not shown at all in the two pictures? The crafty analogy is like hiding a tree in the forest.

First, in my paper plate, I inconspicuously covered with the Ecuadorian mango’s peeling the two-inch pork sausage. (Called in Filipino as longanisa, it was only half of the regular size.) In fact, this red meat was a left-over of yesterday’s viands. To any casual viewer of this Figure 3 photo, there is no pork on the table. I actually feasted on this lone longanisa after Lita’s call!

Secondly, Hannah’s photo did not capture the plate load of sautéed beef. She consumed most of these meat slices. (I swear to high heavens that I only ate the smallest slice of beef!) The real reason is I am not really a beef-eater, except for corned beef and beef jerky.

5.     Daughter’s Equalizer Act!

After such a full-meal breakfast, feeling elated of somehow ‘outsmarting’ my wife, I stood up and prepared my brewed, Costa Rican coffee while smelling its rich aroma. I was also grateful that my daughter had skillfully covered up for his dad’s little mischievous act. Good Daddy’s girl. Or so I thought.

As I opened the refrigerator to get the sweetened liquid coffee creamer, I unexpectedly heard Hannah’s voice from behind. “Daddy, you better just take a simple black coffee. No more creamer and sugar,” she said in a rather soft, but still authoritative voice. Then she added, “And also forget about your calorie-rich dessert. You’ve eaten more than enough for breakfast.”

I protested that I needed my after-meal ritual of coffee and dessert. To no avail. “You’ve got to follow me, Daddy. Remember, I have just saved your ass from Mommy’s wrath of skillfully hiding those slices of pork and beef! Don’t push your luck, too far.” Despite being less than five-feet tall, Hannah practices Kendo (the Japanese martial art of sword fighting). End of conversation.

Just when I thought that our unica hija was on my side, I counted my cheat meal victory rather too soon. Mine was a pyrrhic victory, after all. I cannot help but be reminded again of life’s gender-related truism. There is an undeclared – but global – unity among women.

Need I say more?

Copyright © 2022 by Michael D Pido

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