On ‘Overruling’ Oriental Wives and their ‘Surrendering’ Husbands: Close Encounters in the Midst of Pandemic

Michael Pido,

Summary

The traditional dominance of Oriental husbands seems to be fading fast. Their wives are now demanding not only parallel gender status but equal rights and opportunities as well. Moreover, Oriental wives at times may go overboard to either ‘overrule’ their husbands’ wishes – or enjoin them to ‘surrender’ to their whims. In this context, I am sharing two close encounters of my brother-in-law and myself with our wives in the midst of COVID-19 pandemic. 

 

The impetus to craft this story – about Oriental wives who appear to either ‘overrule’ their husbands’ wishes – or enjoin them to ‘surrender’ to their whims – emanated during dinner time of a popular Filipino dish called as humba (alternatively spelled homba). Briefly, it is a Filipino braised pork dish that originated from the Visayan Islands in central Philippines. Pork belly is traditionally used, which is slow-cooked until very tender in a concoction of bay leaves, black peppercorns, fermented black beans, garlic, soy sauce, and vinegar (Figure 1).

Figure 1. Humba cooked by my wife as a braised pork dish from the Philippines. (Copyright © 2020 by Michael D. Pido)

Brown or muscovado sugar serves as its sweetener and flavor enhancer. Humba resembles in appearance to adobo, which is another famous pork dish in the country. (In this context, I use the term ‘Oriental’ to refer to people of Asian descent regardless of their country of citizenship.)

Our unusual story happened at dinner time around 1930 on Thursday, 7 May 2020. I wished there was a video to document the event and the ensuing conversations. The setting was at my parents-in-law’s (the late Jesus Carlos and Rosa Carlos) ancestral house in the village of Tiniguiban, Puerto Princesa City (PPC), Province of Palawan in the Philippines (Figure 2).

Figure 2. Location map of Jesus and Rosa Carlos Residence at Barangay Tiniguiban in Puerto Princesa City, Palawan Province, Philippines. Source: Google Map

The set of characters were two pair of couples (Table 1). My Australian in-laws (Bobet and Ida) who are living in Malak, Darwin, Northern Territory. Lita who is based in Metro Manila (together with our two sons) is now largely a home maker. Lita is the eldest, followed by Ida, among the six siblings of Jesus and Rosa Carlos. Ida inherited the ancestral home.

Table 1. Brief profile of cast of characters.

Name

 

Nickname

 

Relationship with author

Age

Profession

 

Citizenship

 

1.    Michael Pido

Mike

 

58

University Professor

Filipino

2.    Angelita Pido

Lita

wife

58

Nurse

Filipino

3.    Edgardo Aralar

Bobet

brother-in-law

60

Dentist

Australian

4.    Benilda Aralar

Ida

sister-in-law

57

Grade School Teacher

Australian

The three of them arrived in PPC on 14 March 2020 and were originally scheduled to depart back to Manila on 26 April 2020. Because of the COVID-19 pandemic, however, they have been locked down in PPC. I have been staying in a room here, although our own house is located in another part of the ancestral compound. Before I left for work (as Professor and Dean of Graduate School of Palawan State University or PSU), Bobet volunteered to cook humba for our dinner. We made a motion to our wives, who often cooked the rice, to cook more than enough as the dinner was considered as a ‘cheat’ meal.

 

Unfortunately, I came home late from work due to last minute errands that I had to attend to. They actually finished the dinner ahead but waited for me at the dinner table. Anyway, I sat down and leisurely partook my humba dinner while they were consuming their desserts and coffee. A photo of this narrative’s characters taken at a later date is provided in Figure 3.

Figure 3. Cast of characters from left-to-right (Benilda Aralar, Edgardo Aralar, Michael Pido and Angelita Pido) in Barangay Tiniguiban, Puerto Princesa City, Palawan Province, Philippines. (Photo credit: Benilda Aralar)

Only during the casual conversation did I realize that the rice I was eating came from Divina (my other sister-in-law), whose family lives at the farthest end of the ancestral compound. Earlier, Lita cooked the rice for the four of us. I asked my wife in a rather grumbling tone why she cooked only minimal rice knowing that Bobet cooked a sumptuous dish. She defended that it’s dinner time and we should only partake little meal.

 At that juncture, Bobet butted in that he actually wanted to eat more humba but there was no more rice! I told Lita that while she could unilaterally decide for me, she should not decide for Bobet. After all, both Bobet and I love to eat with enthusiasm and gusto. Lita added that she already cleared the matter with Ida. When I glanced at Ida, she responded that she indeed concurred. In short, both of them unilaterally decided to cook only a small amount of rice – despite knowing the fact that Bobet and I would eat more as we both like humba.

Please don’t get me wrong. Of course, we are happy that our wives are concerned about our health; nonetheless, we were ‘unhappy’ for being left out in the decision-making process. Or maybe, it’s our Asian machismo as husbands that were ruffled.

I momentarily paused from eating to ponder on the situation. Then, Bobet casually mentioned: “Mike, we were simply overruled by our wives!” Bobet described later that he used the term ‘overrule’, which is often used in the legal parlance. More specifically, it is used by the presiding judge who either ‘overrule’ or ‘sustain’ the motion of a contending lawyer. (Americans alternatively use the term attorney in lieu of a lawyer, while the Europeans and Australians often use the term barrister.)

Out of the blue, Bobet has delivered the clincher sentence with an exclamation point! To paraphrase, the key phrase of the night was ‘wives who overrule their husbands’. Feminists would not agree with me – or even hate me. But I have difficulty comprehending that Oriental wives are now making unilateral decisions for and in behalf of their husbands. Where has the Oriental patriarchal society gone?

As an academic, the sentence of Bobet became an analytical discourse: “Mike, we were simply overruled by our wives!” I tried to analyze – but could not find a satisfactory answer – taking into account perspectives from various disciplines such as anthropology, psychology and history. As I lay down trying to sleep, I happened to listen to the music over the radio: it was titled Sweet Surrender by the popular American band in the 1970s called The Bread. The lyrics’ line that appealed to me was this: “Tasting defeat, loving that sweet surrender.”

In a flash, I realized that we might not have been ‘overruled’ by our wives. Instead, we just ‘surrendered’. We are simply what I may call as ‘surrendering husbands’ – albeit lovingly, if not sweetly. With that alternative perspective, I fell asleep soundly past midnight having something to discuss with Bobet tomorrow. After all, since time immemorial, wives have been ruling the world.

 

Postscript

The following day, Friday, 8 May 2020, I reported back to my academic chores at PSU. I got so busy with the paper works that I already forgot the previous night’s memory of being overruled or having surrendered – whichever way you take it. Little did I anticipate that the previous night’s story would have an addendum.

I arrived before 7:00 p.m. and greeted Bobet at the living room. I noticed that swarms of insects were circling around the light bulb. He was fiddling something on his laptop. After brief exchange of pleasantries with him, I told Bobet that I have an alternative notion about his overruling argument. Then, I casually went to our room. I had just started to undress when I overheard a marital argument. The conversation is paraphrased here as I recall them.

“Why did you switch off the light?” Bobet complained. He added that he was working on his computer stuff. Ida responded with these words: “You better transfer somewhere else.” Ida continued.  “The insects are all around now because these are attracted to the light”.

“You could have asked my permission first before you turned off the light,” Bobet argued. Ida reiterated that he should go to other parts of the house to do his chore. There were more argumentative conversations that I did not bother to listen to. After which, there was an animated silence. Overruled? Surrender?

Figure 4. Author’s caricature complaining while half-undressed in the midst of darkness at Residence in Puerto Princesa City, Palawan Province, Philippines.

Instinctively, I knew I would be next. True enough, out of nowhere, Lita barged into the room. Without saying anything, my wife switched off the light as I was still undressing.  “Why did you switch off the light?” I also complained. She responded that the insects are already crawling in the room. I reasoned out that I would switch off the light after I am done undressing. “Just continue undressing in the bathroom.”

She added more reasons like the insects might crawl into her ears and are making the room dirty. Then, she half-slammed the door, and simply walked away. I was left grumbling – still half-undressed in the midst of darkness – but was utterly powerless to reverse my fate (Figure 4).  Another overrule? Another surrender?

Anyway, the overruling or surrendering episode had settled, as typical to most marital squabbles. Lita and Ida eventually cooked the dinner themselves. The four of us chatted amicably with social chats covering the latest COVID-19 statistics, Philippine politics, and the lives of our grown-up children. There was no more mention of being overruled or having surrendered – that would have been anti-climactic! Moreover, after dinner, our wives both worked on cleaning up the table and washing the dishes. Overall, the evening had ended just fine.

Bobet and I simply stepped out of the house, and we settled standing at the porch area. Bobet lighted up his after-meal cigarette while I sipped on my coffee. This time, we talked not about being overruled or having surrendered but about world history: Ferdinand Magellan’s maiden circumnavigation that passed through the Philippines. More specifically, we discoursed on his oft-forgotten and mysterious Indo-Malayan companion who will be the subject of my upcoming blog: Enrique De Malacca.

Authors Note: This blog’s ‘uncut’ version has been overruled. If you wish a copy, please email me at: mdpido@huescribbler.com

COVID-19 Diary Family, Friends & Relationships Philippines

Comments (93)

  1. This is an interesting and humorous insight out of a very normal day-to-day conversation between two 50-something couples. I suddenly missed talking to my elders, Sir. Thanks for sharing! ??

    Reply

  2. I can relate with the two dear wives. We don’t really overrule, Sir Mike . We just need to insist , opting for what is more healthful. Me too had been dependent from hubby when it comes to marketing. My role only come in when instructing our scholar at home what to cook and when off from work I do my share as well. Please bear with us. We are only claiming what Ephesians 5:25 tells, “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and He gave His life for it.” Regarding our role, may I remain silent for the moment 🙂

    Reply

    1. Hi Maám Lerna – Thank you for providing your feedback as a wife. The feedbacks of both husbands and wives to this blog are varied and exciting. I do hope you will ‘reveal’ later your role that is kept secret at the moment. Cheers!

      Reply

  5. Good evening mike..I can relate to your story..It happens in most households but I won’t call it overrule or surrender but Love, respect and consideration…

    Reply

  6. Good evening mike..I can relate to your story..It happens in most households but I won’t call it overrule or surrender but Love, respect and consideration…

    Reply

  7. A casual conversation yet meaningful. In my opinion, wife sometimes overrule husband not in the sense of overpowering them but a consideration that decision making is not only about who is the ruler, it is more on the outcome or consequence of the decision made. As we all knew most of the women are good in terms of management, specially wives, who turned to be a multi-tasker. Good management creates good decision and helps make succesful married life of course with God’s providence and guidance.

    Reply

  8. What an interesting short story Doc Mike. It reminded me of my wife nine years ago because she passed away 2011. Allow me to share that what you both did as husbands is Love to your wives. The Bible says the husband’s love to his wife must be self-giving, self-loving and gentle love. Your actions demonstrated that kind of love and in return for sure it is not difficult for you wife to SUBMIT to you as husband. Eph.5:25. Stay safe always

    Reply

    1. Glad to hear from you Doc Romy. We always value your insights as a religious elder and mentor. Have a blessed Sunday.

      Reply

  9. Hello Sir Mike…Thank you for sharing that story of yours. In my experience as a wife for 17 years, I do not overrule my husband nor he surrenders to me. We just understand each others situation. My husband was a police officer and I understand him whenever he feels to have an argument with me. I made our discussions into sweet conversations. And it made me feel better. He was my bestfriend…

    Reply

    1. Hi Donna – You have an interesting sharing as a beloved wife and best friend of a police officer. Well said. Cheers.

      Reply

  10. Hi! Sir Mike,
    Love your article. As the saying goes “Sometimes we need to lose the small battles inorder to win the WAR”. Looking forward to your next article.

    Reply

    1. Hi Paolo – Am glad you love the blog. Thanks for sharing your perspective as a husband. Indeed, it is better to lose the skirmishes – and when the major battles!

      Reply

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  47. This is an interesting story, doc Mike. I agree with the surrendering husbands and not overruled. It is more positive to surrender than overruled… It is just like telling friends that one has asthma (ask my wife) when friends invite for outside gimmick.

    Reply

    1. Hi Doc Caneng – Thanks a lot for sharing your perspective. I look forward to meeting you when you visit Palawan very soon. We may then talk about the surrendering husbands!

      Reply

  48. Hi Mike, this is a very interesting and familiar situation. Wives show dominance in decision making in managing the household, while the husbands usually follow or give in because they know their wife is right, or they don’t want to offend her or just simply to avoid arguments. Nice one.

    Reply

    1. Hi Lynette – Thanks for providing your feedback. Time flies rather quickly. It seems like yesterday when we met your DENR group in Australia in the late 1990s

      Reply

  49. Thank you for sharing Doc Mike!
    Very interesting story of the day-to-day occurrences. As the saying goes “happy wife, happy life” a rule that husbands follow to have a smooth sailing journey called marriage. 😉

    Reply
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